Conditional vs. Unconditional Love

By Kyla Miller, R.H.N.;

What does love mean to you? From what I understand, love means something different to everyone. However, I’ve come to believe that it can quite simply be narrowed down to two key opinions; these being conditional and unconditional love.

Conditional love is most often displayed by those who put restrictions on their love, meaning that if they disagree with us and/or our life choices, we are not worthy of their love. They criticize and judge us for what they think we are doing wrong in life. This is the type of love that people give to us when we do what they want. It is usually displayed by those who like us because we made them feel good. In other words, we have to buy their love, but for the most part leaves us feeling empty, unhappy and frustrated. This type of love is a form of manipulation. Through self-examination, if we notice ourselves frowning, sighing with disappointment, speaking harshly, or in any way expressing our anger at other people, we are exhibiting conditional love. Giving or withholding acceptance based on another person’s behavior is the essence of this love. Although it is most often given unintentionally, it allows the cycle to continue. Those who conditionally love others, usually only receive conditional love in return.

On the other hand, there are those who love unconditionally. These are the ones who truly love us for who we are and who are always there to support us no matter what the circumstance. This doesn’t mean that they agree with everything that we do. We all make mistakes and can cause real pain and disappointment to others. It simply means that they do not judge or guilt us for it. They are able to let go and forgive us without harbouring resentment or bitterness. When someone is genuinely concerned about our happiness, do we not feel a strong connection to that person? We feel included in his or her life, and in that instant we are no longer alone. Unconditional love is a powerful energy that can lift us through even the most difficult times.

Unconditional love must first begin with ourselves, because without self-love, we cannot know what true love can be. Instead of focusing on our mistakes and failures, we can concentrate on the benefits of our experiences and what we’ve learned from them. Rather than living our lives to please others, we can choose instead to grow to understand and learn what makes us complete. By learning to love ourselves, we are allowing the feeling to generate within us. Only then can we share it to everyone and everything around us. Only then can we accept love.

I have been on the receiving end of both conditional and unconditional love. I definitely know which one I prefer to receive. Everyone wants to be unconditionally loved, so why not start the cycle? Meditating on this quality has caused me to reflect on the kind of love I am displaying towards others and has motivated me to begin the journey of treating everyone I meet with unconditional love. Which will you choose?

"Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth 'you owe me'. Look what happens with a love like that, it lights the whole sky". ~ Hafiz

Your questions: Have you ever been loved unconditionally? How did it make you feel? (post your comments below)

About the Author : Kyla Miller is the co-founder of She has overcome illness through dietary/lifestyle changes, and practicing a positive mindset daily. Kyla is a Registered Holistic Nutritionist and is currently studying to become a Reiki Master.


  1. Yes I have been and still am loved unconditionally. It makes me feel like loving everyone else the same way so that they can know how good it feels. It allows me to truly be myself , warts and all, and still know that I'll be loved. It makes me smile all the time.

  2. Thanks for the comment Helena!

  3. I have a question. I have been with a girl for 5 years. we have been engaged for 1.5 years. We do not have a date set for our wedding yet, as we are waiting for her to finish school. I just got invited to my BEST FRIENDS WEDDING.. Which is happening in New Zealand (Which is where I am from) I live in Texas, and do not live with my fiancee, but we live close to eachother, and see eachother regularly (4-5times a week) Everything in our relationship is good... we have had ups and downs, but everything has been very good the past few months. I told my fiancee that I really wanted her to come with me to NZ for the wedding, but she is in nursing school, and there is no way she can take 3 weeks off in March of 2015 to come with me. I told her that it made me sad that she couldnt come, (Which it honestly does, cause I want her to see where I am from) and after a long conversation (Via Text message) she has basically broken up with me.... I told her that it seems that her love toward me is CONDITIONAL... based on that if I do everything she wants, and how she wants, then everything will be alright.... and If i dont.. then she will threaten... or just simply break up with me. she asked me to wait to go to NZ until she finishes school (which is 7months after my best friends wedding) and she said that we could both go then... I told her that, that sounds really good, and that I would like to do that, but it may not be realistic etc.... So basically now.. my FIANCEE... who I am supposed to be getting married to.... is on the edge of breaking up with me, because I wont accept her demands. I tried to be as understanding and sweet to her as possible, but she wont see through it, and she has told me not to talk to her anymore... Im really confused, that I can have a really good, loving relationship with a girl for so long, and she can just discard it so quickly. Based on what I have said, does it appear to anyone that I have done anything wrong to her.... I kind of need some help here, cause I am upset with what she is doing, as it really really seems unfair to me... I told her that I understood her feelings, and that she is allowed to be upset, and she is allowed to tell me shes upset, and I was very understanding with her.... but that didnt change anything :-( any suggestions would be appreciated please.
    Thank you

  4. Conditional love exists between two people who are not blood related. two who fall in love, and want to be together for the rest of their lives. Yet , clearly if certain things occur during that relationship that has a negative impact, the relationship can be broken.
    For example, finding out the other person has cheated or is a murderer or paedophile. You think no conditions exist to invalidate the love that the two have?



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